创客小说网

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第21章 爱人我在等你（第2页）

Momalwaystoldmetogooutsideandlaywiththeboysnextdoor。ShecouldntunderstandwhyIdidntwanttolayinlittleLeagueorjointheBoyScouts。ShedidnotunderstandthatIwaswithyou。Ididntneedanyoneelse。

Iwouldntcallitloveatthatoint，though。Ididnotknowwhatlovewas。Ijustwantedtobewithyouverybadly。Ididnthaveanameforthatfeeling。

Laterwhentheotherboysatschoolstartedtoaymoreattentiontogirls，Ididntfeelsobad。TheywerebeginningtounderstandwhatIdbeenfeelingforyears。Theyneededawoman。Andthegirlsneededaman。Theystartedtomatchuandsomeofthemarestilltogethertoday。Loveissobeautifulwhenitlasts。

IsayIdidntfeelbad，butthatwasonlyatthebeginning。LatertheywouldaskmeifIhadagirl。Idsayyes，andofcoursetheywouldwanttoknowwho。Icouldnttellthem。IhadtomakeusomestoryaboutmeetingyouwhenIwasatmygrandarentslaceforsummervacation。Along-distancething。Someoftheguysthoughtthatwascool。Otherscalledmealiar。Itriednottocare。Itriednottoworry。

AtnightIwouldlieinbedandthinkaboutyou。Iwonderedwhatyouhaddonethatday。Didyoulikeyourschool？Whatwasyourbestsubject？IalwaysretendedthatyoudbegoodatEnglish。Iicturedyouwritingmelonglettersabouthowmuchyoulovedme。Youdsignthemwithhugsandkisses。

Iwondersometimesifwaitingwashardforyou。Iwonderedifyouhadaboyfriend。Iknewyouwouldntbeseriousabouthim。Youdleavehimthemomentwecouldbetogether。Idgetalittlejealousthinkingaboutit，though。IwantedtobethefirsttotouchyouifIcould。Thefirsttokissyouandholdyourhand。Youwouldbemyfirst。Ididntwantanyoneelse。

DuringcollegeInoticedthattherewerefewerandfewereolestillbythemselves。Everyonewasairingu。Someofthegirlsinmyclasswerewearingengagementrings。Theywereroudoftheirringsandwouldshowthemtoeveryonearoundthem。OnedayIwenttoajewelrystoreatthemallandlookedatrings。Iickedoutaniceoneforyou。Itwasgold，withasmalldiamondinasilversetting。Ididntknowwhatyourringsizewas，soIboughtonethatfitmysmallestfinger。Ifiguredwecouldgetitfixedlater。Icarriedthatringwithmeallthetime。Iwantedtobeabletogiveittoyouassoonasweweretogether。

AfterthatdayIthoughtaboutyourhandsalot。Iicturedmyselfholdingthemandlookingatthetinywrinklesinthealms。Itriedtoimaginehowsmallyourhandsmightbe。Howfragiletheymightbe。Inmydreamsyouwouldtouchmyfacewithyourtinyfingers。ThefingertiswouldtouchmylisandIwouldkissthem。

Iworkedhardincollege。IstudiedconstantlybecauseIwantedtogetagoodjobwhenIgraduated。IdidntwantourlivestosufferbecauseIcouldntrovideforus。AftercollegeIgotawell-ayingjobwithaninsurancecomany。AftersavingfortwoyearsIutadownaymentonahouse。Anicetwo-bedroomhouse。Ithadalargekitchenandagreatbedroomforthetwoofus。Ijustknewyouwouldloveit。WhenImovedintothehouse，Itriednottobuytoomuchfurniture。Ididntwanttoickanythingyouwouldntlikelater。Justthebasics。

SometimesIwouldsitonthethresholdofthefrontdoor。Iwouldstaredownthestreetandwatcheverycarthatassedby。Onedayyoumightbeinoneofthosecars。Iwantedthattohaensomuch。

Thebedwastoobigforjustoneerson。Icouldntmakemyselfstretchoutorsleeinthemiddle。Istayedonmysideandretendedthatyouwerewithme。SomenightsIcouldalmosthearyoubreathing。Iwouldrollonmysideandwanttosayyourname，butIdidntknowwhatitwas。Iwouldjustcallyou

"Love。

"

"Love？

"Youwouldsmileatme。

"Areyouhaywithme？Areyougladyouwaitedforme？

"

Youwouldntanswer。Youdjustreachoverandtouchmylisandfeelmyface。Icouldfeelyourhandsonmyface。Youcouldfeelmytears。

"Iloveyousomuch。

"

Theyearswentby。Itriedtoimaginewhatyouweredoing。Iknewyouwereoutthere。Iknewtheersonwhosmeantformemustbeouttheresomewhere。Itwouldjustbeamatterofwaiting。IknewIcouldwaitforeverforyouifIhadto。Ilovedyou。

WhenmymomdiedIwaslefttohandleallthearrangementsmyself。IthadjustbeenherandI，andwedgrownaartoverthelasttwentysomeoddyears。OneChristmassheaskedmewhenIwasgoingtobringhomeagirl。Icouldntsayanythingtoanswerthat。Icouldntevenlookherintheeyestherestofthenight。Iwantedbadlyforyoutomeether。Shewouldbesoroudofme。Soroudthathersonhadsuchawonderfulwoman。Itwouldbeerfect。

ButasIwatchedherbeingloweredintothegrave，Ididnthaveanyonestandingwithme。Ididnthaveanyonetoshowmymom。Iwasalone。

ThatnightIcried。IcriedbecauseIdidnthaveyouwithmetoholdmeandtellmeeverythingwasalright。Ididnthaveahandtoholdorlistokiss。Nothing。Idneverhadthatanderhasneverwould。

EachmorningIlookedatmyselfinthemirror。Thewrinklesaroundmyeyesweregettingdeeer。Myhairhadthinnedandreceded。Ihoedyouwouldloveme。Ihoedyoucouldstilllookatmyfaceandsmile。

"Iwanttoseeyousmile。

"thenursesays。

Icant。Everythinginmehurts。

"IfyoudontsmileformeImgoingtoturnofftheTVandturnoutthelights，

"thenursewarns。Ihateher。Sheisalwaystryingtomakemedosillythingslikesmileorlaugh。Shehasneverfeltaininherlife。

Leavemealone。

"OK，theregoestheTV。Goodnight，sir。

"Sheturnsoffthelightsandshutsthedoorbehindher。Mysmallbedroomdisaearsintothedark。Icanhearherfootstesasshewalksdownthehall。Thefootstesfade，andthenallIcanhearisthedistantechoofmyheart。Atearslowlyfindsitswaytomyillowcaseanddies。Myworldbecomesquiet。

Imalone。

ItsdarkandImalone。

Whydidntyouevercome，Love？

Iwaitedforyou。

Iwaitedforyou。